Oh Sh–! A SOBER First Date?

So my Nerdlets, we have talked about ways to approach a person you are interested in and how to make first contact with the person, now comes the dreaded inevitability of all of these successful endeavors–the first date.  First dates are so nerve-wracking, right?  Figuring out what to do, where to do it, what to wear, what to smell like (yes, this is very important) is exhausting and stressful.  I have some hints that will help you have a great first date, because every first date needs 3 things, in my humble opinion: conversation, fun, and romance.

This might seem like a lot of work, but it’s really not.  The most important part of the date is the conversation.  How are you going to know if you want to go on a second date or pursue a relationship if all you do on a first date is sit awkwardly next to each other at a movie or lecture, not knowing if you should speak or touch, you watch and/or listen, and then leave afterwards?  You can’t.

Now I am not anti-lecture or movie going.  Having an activity like that on a date is a good way to break the ice when moving into the conversation portion of the date, but you want to have some time for some good one-on-one time either before or after it.  A good way to find good conversation is over food, coffee, or walking.  These activities all give you and your date the opportunity to fiddle with something or look at something during the conversation without seeming as if you aren’t listening. It’s good atmosphere, too. Keep the conversation light–no heavy topics, no mind-blowing revelations, just small-talk with a more personal touch. This is my problem.  I’m a really open, straightforward person, and I tend to tell too much, too fast.  Alas, I’m working on it. 🙂

Fun can be had in so many ways; it’s hard to help you with any suggestions, especially considering that everyone’s idea of fun is different.  It’s important to know, though, that fun does not mean “laugh until you cry” (but it could) or to go to some raucous event (though, you could do that, too).  Just, think of something original and do that.  Go to a funny play or go on a picnic or go play on a swingset or go ice skating or go to a lecture (if that’s your poison) or go smell some old books at the library (if that’s your poison), but do something fun.  Mostly, do something to take your mind off the fact that you’re on a first date.  It’ll help get rid of the jitters.

Now the romance can be hard, but if you balance it with the fun you can do wonders.  The romance on a first date should be small, so you don’t look like a creepy stalker, and just sweet enough that your date thinks about it when he/she has gone home and hopes to experience it again.  Little things work the best:  touch your date gently on the hand or arm, a small compliment (example: You look great), smile thoughtfully, not creepily, look into his/her eyes, (when dating a woman) tuck her hair behind her ear, and really listen.  All of these are small, tiny things that can bring out the romance in any occasion.

Oh, and remember, sober doesn’t have to mean sober.  Just say no to the beer-goggles, and you will be fine!

I think my most memorable first date happened a few years ago.  I’m a theatre girl and met a man through a mutual friend, and he took me to a show, and then we went to a 24-hour restaurant and had breakfast at 11 o’clock at night and talked.  It wasn’t grand, but it was exactly right for our personalities, and we had our first kiss in the parking lot.  Simple, romantic, and pretty much perfect.  The relationship, however, went to hell in a hand-basket, but at least I have the memory of a great first date.

What was your most memorable first date?  Any advice to add?

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