Hi Nerdlets! I am soo sorry I haven’t been on here for a while, but I’ve been out, you know, living my life. Mostly the holidays kicked my ass, but then I started actually going out with people and it took up most of my time. Again, I’m sorry to have abandoned all my nerdlets, but I’m sure you muddled through well enough without me. 🙂
So, the last time I was on here, I told you all about how I broke my own rule and gave out my REAL number when I was, well, we’ll just say not sober. It was justified at the time–dude pushed me into a window and kissed my brains out. I was hoping the kissing would get better with less alcohol. I was wrong, but we’ll get to that.
The date that came from this drunken night, my nerdlets, is what I will tell you about today.
I really, really, really shouldn’t have broken this rule. There’s a reason I made not giving my number out drunk a rule in the first place. I wasn’t thinking with my brain, I was thinking with beer! Here’s why:
I was so excited to go on this date. I love dating–it’s so fun to meet new people, and we all can use a little bit of work on our people skills and dating skills. I had an outfit chosen for by a friend that highlighted curves and legs, but revealed little, and I strolled into the restaurant and had no idea who I was looking for. None. I had forgotten what the man looked like because of the, well, beer-goggles. I found him sitting at the bar, after calling him like a total and unbelievable ass, and we moved to a table and started conversation. It was nice to talk about who we are, where we come from, all that happy nonsense. But, I didn’t feel any kind of connection, mostly because he didn’t TALK! I had to ask him questions about his interests and all of that and prompt him to ask me questions. That is definitely NOT what going on a date should be. It should, again, be give and take, and a good date should have a conversation that doesn’t lag, or if it does, it’s easily filled with something else to talk about! I knew it wasn’t going well when I ordered a salad. It’s the go-to let’s-make-this-quick-so-I-can-get-home-to-my-yoga-pants meal. During the meal, I learned that he and I were totally incompatible, due to some legal issues and lack of education stuff, but I waited it out, gave the guy a chance.
In this guy’s defense, he did everything right. He paid, even after I offered to go Dutch, he listened well, we walked around to some stores afterwards and he did date-like things (modeled a scarf on me, etc.), but I just felt nothing and like I was doing all the work. By the end of the night, he would say things like “I don’t really like thinking about things like that” (meaning politics) and I got the ever so awesome, “Can you give me a ride home?” because of his past legal issues. Oy, it was an exhausting night for me, but I got a free meal and dating practice, right?
It was just a dud date, and I wanted to get him home and get myself home to yoga-pants-bliss, so I gave him a ride home. When we were outside his place, even after the awkward night with stunted conversation, he leaned in for a kiss goodnight. He gets points for not hesitating on the lean-in, but he loses all points (and I might have lost some IQ points) for the horrible kiss I was forced to partake in. Seriously, he might be the worst kiss I’ve ever had. I mean, I should have expected this; it wasn’t that great outside the bar, but I have learned, friends, that not everything changes with less alcohol. Okay, here’s why the kiss was so awful. There are rules for first kisses, which I’ve talked about before. First kisses should be soft and lovely, not shove your tongue down the other person’s throat (literally) and DEFINITELY NOT A LIP-NIBBLE. Definitely. Not. Lip nibbles should be saved for sex, or preludes to sex, (which this definitely wasn’t), and you can spread shit with lip nibbles. STIs, I mean. It was very uncomfortable, so uncomfortable in fact that I laughed. Really. In his face. I might be a horrible person, but I have a feeling if you had been there, you would have laughed too.
Alas, I am still single and definitely not dating this guy. We parted ways, texted a couple times after this, and, awesomely, ran into each other on the bus and had an awkward conversation where I called every number in my phone until someone picked up so as to avoid continuing the conversation. Oh well, can’t blame us crazy kids for trying. But oh my DAMN, this was a dud date.
So, tips to come from this delightful interlude.
1. Talk to your date, even if you aren’t feeling anything. Who knows? Maybe you’ll feel something with a more animated conversation.
2. Do what feels right. You don’t have to pay if you don’t want to or can’t afford it. If your date offers to pay for half, they mean it (and if they don’t, they are shallow and don’t deserve you).
3. Do not, under any circumstances, shove your tongue down your date’s throat on a first kiss (even if have you drunkenly kissed them before) and NEVER lip nibble. First kisses should be soft and new. If they go to a passionate place, it should be eased into, not forced on someone.
4. Keep on dating, nerdlets. We learn something every time. 😉
I won’t stay away for so long again. Cross my heart. x