Break the Ice, Don’t Shatter the Ice

So, you’ve me the guy/girl, you get the guy/girl’s number, it all finally worked for you.  You weren’t an idiot, you  might have been nervous, but you were always yourself.  Now, how do you make the first contact after that initial sweaty-palmed masquerade that is meeting new people?  Well, this is pretty simple, but can still be really weird.  It doesn’t matter the medium, thebest thing to start with is, “Hey, it was great meeting you yesterday” (if you just met, obviously) or “Hey, it was great seeing you again/running into you yesterday” (if it’s a person you’ve already met).  It’s nice, straight-forward, and non-committal.  It doesn’t say “All I want to do is talk about me” (a big no-no) and it doesn’t say “Ithinkaboutyouallthetimeandsometimesfollowyouhome.Pleaseloveme!” (again, uh uh).  Now, this approach works only if you are just meeting someone for the first time or you run into someone and tell them you’ll look them up on Twitter or Facebook.

Another way to approach someone you’ve known for a while but want to know in a different kind of way is just a simple, “Hey, how are you?”  This is super simple, and generally leads to a Here’s-what’s-new-with-me-What’s-new-with-you conversation.

The main goal of the first contact after you meet someone is to find time to spend together face-to-face, and getting to that is much trickier.  It’s hard to not sound like a creepy stalker, so a little tiny bit of creepy stalker is okay.  Generally, I would say you need to say something short and sweet but make sure the person knows you’re asking them out.  In the same way that people on the receiving end need to not be an idiot, so too do people doing the asking.  Saying “we should hang out sometime” is an idiot move, and it’s vague and annoying as hell.  “We should hang out sometime” is too friendly and can be really confusing.  Now, if you were to say, “You know, I’d like to spend time with you, we should hang out sometime,” that sounds much more like a date because you are being specific. You are saying you want to get to know the other person better and it’s much more obviously about the other person and a one-on-one situation.

Personally, I’m a fan of being straightforward.  Saying, “Listen, would you want to go out with me sometime” or “Do you want to go on a date with me” would work wonders on a girl like me and a lot of other women.  It’s very direct and it takes a lot of courage to come out and say it. For someone to put themselves out there like is very brave.  Also, if you’re nervous and it shows, it can be very endearing to the person you are asking out.   Most of all, you want to break the ice but not shatter the ice. Say “Hi, how are you, nice to meet you” keep it simple, make small(ish) talk (meaning get to know the person but no big hot-button topics), and ask the person out.  Don’t get too creepy or too needy, that would shatter the glass, make you look ridiculous and weird.  Just try to be natural, be yourself–because that’s the important part.  If you aren’t yourself, you’re selling yourself short and the person you’re interested in short.

Keep it flirty, too.  Make sure you’re slipping a little bit of flirting into the conversation, subtle compliments, things like that.  Remember not to go creepy stalker, and all, “You’re so pretty…hehe” because, well, that’s just weird.  It’s fun to find ways to flirt and update at the same time, flirt and meet someone new at the same time.  And you’re palms should sweat and you probably should stumble a bit over your words.  That’s endearing, and keeps it interesting. This stage is a balancing act, and if you balance right between feeling like an idiot (not ACTING like an idiot) and being direct in your approach, you will breeze passed the first contact and into your first date.

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2 thoughts on “Break the Ice, Don’t Shatter the Ice

    • Well, how else are we supposed to get what we want if we don’t ask? It scares a lot of people when someone is forward, so I have found ways to cushion the blow, so to speak. It’s hard, but I think it’s worth it!

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